if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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