dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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