and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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