I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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