my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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