I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
