Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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