do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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