I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
These tits shall not be calmed
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