Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
