No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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