So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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