If i come over, it means nothing
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My ass is underappreciated
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize