Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so much tequila, so little girl.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
