I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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