it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
