6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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