everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
