I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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