I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
