My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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