I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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