he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
