I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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