I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
