I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
