Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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