i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
