By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
