i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
