Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
