If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
two words...techno handjob
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
