last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
