The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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