Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
