my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boobs speak an international language.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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