did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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