How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
