My sheets look like a crime scene.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
