my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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