Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
