Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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