it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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