I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
