Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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