you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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