he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
