Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
