Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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