her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
