Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
