dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
