Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
