I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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