I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
