You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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