did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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