Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
