Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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