Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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