Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
