I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
