I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
