I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
