Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize