Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
