I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
