I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
