You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
