Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
