Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
