this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
