I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
being pregnant is like rehab
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
